Sunday, June 28, 2009
♥ heat
okay, its getting really hot these past few days. i miss the june gloom so much now, come back please? haha, so this heat wave is so hot, i want to lay in cold water as much as possible, and not think about reality for just a moment. ahh, this idea is totally on my to do list, as of right now.
so anyways i revamped this blog, because of all those freaken email i've been receiving from strangers., pretty creppy& but cool at the same time.. so this blog needs a little update. SO HAHA, MY FIRST ATTEMPT OF MAKING A BLOG LAYOUT. THIS ONE CURRENT, I KNOW THE STRIPS DOESN'T GO WITH THE PHOTO, CURRENTLY WORKING ON IT, but i'm glad that i made something, even tho i almost forgot my html... oh my oops.. i ate so many skittles, so i thought of making a rainbowly skin. I'm thinking of working on my projects, that i left idle for a while, i'm back, since i dnt have school, i can continue my graphics. (:
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basically my whole 2 weeks of break has been weird, i have to say. even thought i'm not home much in chino hills, i don't miss it at all. so last night, friday* joey&lana took me to laguna hills, and we did our usual routine of stupidity... hah they are so funny, we highjacked joey's mattress and took it out to the beach where we lay there on the sand staring at the sky for the longest time ever. i have to say, that was a great moment, thanks guys for taking me out there, i really need a scenery like that. (: anyways, we talked and shared our biggest problems in life, and i vent about many things i need help on, and i'm kinda relieved now. i realize two things, that i need to do. after sitting there, i realized that i should be more honest with myself& also not worrying much about other people. well "worrying" for people, is something that i've been doing for the longest time ever. I'm to caring, its just that i don't want my love ones to get hurt, as my experiences in the past, it all related to others. i should give myself more attention, i shouldn't be worrying about others, but for myself. lana told me that, if i don't care for myself, then i'm hurting myself, and the people who love me, gah.. lana i love you, and all my friends who known me when i was a kid. thank you, i'm just an annoying baby... anyways i have more thoughts and ventness i want to write, but i'm going to change the subject.. haha.
anyways, father's day was last weekend, and i tottally forgot about it(well more like i don't care), i'm such a bad kid.// but come on, he hasn't been taking care of me for the past 7 years, or so. the way of him taking care of me&K is"money". he thinks money is the way to shut me up. so he won't have to deal with it. i've been taken care of from my only mother. mothers are so powerful when it comes to kids... anyways. but sometimes she makes me mad or weird. i feel like i've been useless to her. my grades are nothing compare to my brother, but as i try hard to improve myself, bad things always happen to me. whyy? i should say, i don't know, i was born as an omen i guess. dear father, i know you haven't been calling or keeping in touch with us, but i think you are a loser. i know that you have a secret affair over there, is it true that i have another sibling, or you just don't want the past to eat you up? for god sake, i'm seventeen. and i feel like my family is still treating me like a kid, my mother is still keeping secrets from me, and also father too.
i have a request. i want all my griefs and problems that i have been holding on to for all these years to go away. this is a selfish request, but i really want to be happy for once, and not think about the conflicts i have to face, everyday of my life. Or think about what is occuring in my family or dramas with friends. I'm sick and tired of pulling a fake smile or act like i have a life and i'm that i have nothing to worry about, but actually i'm not that person that has a good life, i'm fucking corrupted. i'm done with this. now i'm saying this, officially real, i don't care about dramas of the past, or relative's gossip, my father's stupidity, my mother's bitchyness, my friend's love affairs&bossy demands, being deny or getting blame for everything.
I'm done, good bye, thanks for reading
Love;
Elle
Labels: venting domo status
“We gonna touch the sky,”
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